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Deviant for 7 Years
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M. High School Boys Junior Varsity Soccer
Even though
The grass is plastic
The dirt is plastic
These boys still run the old fashioned way
As peasants did in the Middle Ages
Toe first, in leather shoes
Toe first,
As the body intended
Toe first,
As they did in Athens
In the rain
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 4 1
Teach Me by consolecadet Teach Me :iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 3 1
always overgrown
hair half past his ears
stomach over belt
quiet in shul
louder in college
til he passed out again,
threw up
always wanting to call home,
to ask why,
but never picking up the phone
hard to shake,
shielded by flesh,
until he met this. . .one
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 7 0
Nothing much is here
Red Naugahyde on the booths in the old-time ice cream store at the end of the block
A five-and-ten
Wires falling out the back of a traffic control box
Inside, we cook
We don’t clean
We don’t talk or touch each other
Outside, I climb the big tree,
The biggest tree
The tree I always feared would fall
Nothing much is here
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 4 0
muscles here support you
a hose to suck you dry
a list of places you've been
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 8 0
cold toes
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 4 0
concrete bed of masculinity
float above, one foot in the air
one foot halfway to the ground
a heavy tread
a new too-small shirt
pain in the foot
a pain in the foot half-down on the ground
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 7 6
is a fucking lake
some cute little trees
which are personally relevant to me
as I will reveal in a quaint anecdote
about some summer in July on the Cape
that will totally convince you I am a great artist
The sun will set
and hit the trees
It's so fucking meaningful
everyone is jealous
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 16 9
many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness
no noble willow bending
taking kindly the counsel of the years
no big-haired flower
turning to face the sun
no sinking orbital star
the numb pain-cold of your youth so simple
to the knives of windchill caressing your body now
remember the summer you threw your back out putting in the air conditioner?
you lay there in the too-cool room
crying into your pillows for days
scared it'd be that way forever
but knowing your next appointment could cure you
remember that summer you drove everywhere?
you really thought you would stay well forever
there is no graceful surrender
even with the sunrise beside your partner you are older
every year you know less
trust less
every year your next appointment is that much less likely to cure you
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 4 6
hope has bloodshot eyes
you look like
a bob haircut
a beard
gray sweatpants
no eyeliner today
the book you lend to me
the nod
the knowing smile
the unprompted hug
long waves going short
a plastic crate
a handshake
stopping to talk outside the library
saying that you noticed
a knit hat
a phone call
a heart
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 7 2
familiar things
vinegar smell of humidifiers soaking in the upstairs bathroom
sick, bloated feeling
very, very cold feet
sinking apathy
uncomfortable vacancy
shadows of trees on the bedroom wall
fire-engine red checked comforter
the itch
the bathtub
the shower
the camera
the hill
mid-90s to 2000s industrial and electronic music
Qualtrics surveys about your mental health
the urge
the urge
the urge
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 6 8
always cleaning up some wreckage
wiping off some mess
salvaging lost dreams, lost bodies, lost minds
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 8 5
birthday poem no. 1
staying in, because you have work to do,
even though you've been writing about conventional people,
who go to parties and drink,
not to excess but just for fun,
who you might understand,
in your dysfunctional little way
staying in, getting your free ice cream and then coming right back,
reading the whole time,
taking a shuttle bus seat next to a four-year-old black girl with glasses who can't stop staring at your astronomy textbook
coming right back,
even though you have been seeing people with bags from the new department store
have been talking to your sort-of-friend,
who you took pictures of wrapped in a rainbow flag once for the newspaper,
vaping while she waits for her Uber to pick her up
have been hearing about hookah bars and the 18+ gay club in Boston
listening to Zeppelin,
copy-pasting citations into a bibliography,
you could transform your hidden cash into any capitalistic spoils you wanted
but you won't
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 4 4
the target demographic
she calls you worthless without knowing she is
they call you home without knowing they are
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 4 0
I stand in front of the mirror to oil my scars
They are that pink,
that scar pink,
the same pink as new stretch marks
Which I have again
because the surgeon who recontoured my chest to male told me it was safe to exercise,
so I am,
and my body is the Io of this human solar system
turning its skin over and over again
adding new tears,
unfamiliar shapes
my pants are loose again
I don't know if it's because they are from the women's department
and the fashion industry makes cheap stretch material for women
(I am not a woman)
I don't know if it's because my legs are smaller
Diet feels more like mutilation than surgery ever did
I cut out,
with help,
with insurance,
what holds me back
so I can grow
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 5 2
they would never put someone like you in a movie
in the cafeteria
out by the crab apple tree
startling at passing headlights
taking the 80 bus the opposite direction as usual to get antiseptic and shears at Sally's
90s zine style sign
small stack of 20s
Ziploc bag of Reese's Pieces
tall glass Dollar Tree jar full of scissors and combs
you just can't keep your big mouth shut, can you
:iconconsolecadet:consolecadet 8 4


consolecadet's Profile Picture
United States
Sometimes, when I'm not writing prose, drawing pictures, or living, I write poetry.
It's been a minute! A very long minute. I'm still alive, still slogging my way thru college, etc.

I just thought I'd pop in to say that if you miss my writing, I just put together a little zine. You can buy it for $1 (or tip me more if you want!) at Gumroad:

If you wanna stay in touch, these days I am mostly on Tumblr (consolecadet) and Facebook. Or you can email me at consolecadet @ gmail if you'd like. :)


Add a Comment:
toxic--sunrise Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2017
Thank you for the favorite <3
Larathain Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2016
Happy birthday! May it be a day of perfect weather and joyful bliss! One you'll enjoy to often offer reminisce.
AspiredWriter Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
happy birthday :cake:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2016
Thanks for the :+fav:
(1 Reply)
Tevo77777 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2015  Student Writer
Happy Birthday.
(1 Reply)
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