Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
my grandmother's tartan bag sits on an upside-down bucket in the basement,
full to the brim with little liquor bottles and cardboard boxes

I go to do the laundry,
pass it twice an hour

and every time, just for a moment, I think she's visiting
all saints
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-11-03
not grief, but something like it is by ~consolecadet "is grounded in a profoundly personal loss, yet speaks to a universal emotion" (suggester's words). ( Suggested by beeinthebottle and Featured by neurotype )
:iconbraxton-t-rutledge:
Braxton-T-Rutledge Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013
This is extremely solid.

Try reading it with a period after 'hour'

last line "every time I think she's visiting"

I'd almost suggest breaking that to read

"every time I think
she's visiting".

You say a lot without many wasted words, provide enough details to be easily relate-able. 
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The brevity is what makes this feel so pure. It's just enough without being over-said. Well done. :heart:
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013
Thank you.
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013   Writer
i really love this. damn me for not checking my messages, this is gold.
well deserved. :heart:
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013
Thank you! I'm glad you like it. <3
Reply
:icontessriane:
Tessriane Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
?
Reply
:icontessriane:
Tessriane Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I couldn't think of anything else to say. I favorited this, and I love it. I just couldn't think of anything to say.
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thanks.
Reply
:iconobserver14:
Observer14 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Wow.  amazing clarity.  Take a simple image, experience, truth, and put so few words around it... just enough for us to see the thing you saw, and understand your pain.  Even the title is wonderful.

I think it was C.S. Lewis who said, "Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning."  You have brought meaning.

Thank you.
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thank /you/.

I worry a lot about clarity, so it's nice to hear I'm doing an okay job on that front.
Reply
:iconobserver14:
Observer14 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Well, I haven't had a chance yet to read any of your other work, but you definitely nailed it here.

It was really random that I stumbled across your poem here.  My parents are in their 90's, and failing fast, so you just happened to poke at a rather raw place in my experience too.  Sometimes, having someone else so eloquently portray the very emotion you are experiencing helps you understand, and in a way, cope with going through that journey.

Thank you for that gift.


Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013
Wow, thank you. I'm really glad I could help, even if just a little. I'm so sorry to hear about your parents.
Reply
:iconobserver14:
Observer14 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you so much!  :-)

(I'll be back to poke around and read your other work, when I've got a couple of minutes to really spend absorbing them.)

Blessings!

Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
a DD!  congratulations, Rachael! :hug:
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thanks!
Reply
:iconginga-ninga1994:
Ginga-Ninga1994 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is so beautiful and sad. You deserved that DD!
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thanks.
Reply
:iconginga-ninga1994:
Ginga-Ninga1994 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
Reply
:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Student Writer
Oh god this is just~
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Glad you think it's just. I'm not sure what kind of just that is, but thanks?
Reply
:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Student Writer
No lol I was going to say, like, just beautiful, or just amazing, but then I didn't think that would sound good enough so I used a  ~ :D
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Tilde works for me. :>
Reply
:iconrosescarlet:
RoseScarlet Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Student Writer
hehehe
Reply
:iconthesistineapple:
TheSistineApple Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thank you.
Reply
:iconthesistineapple:
TheSistineApple Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
you're welcome :D 
Reply
:iconer49563:
er49563 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Student General Artist
this is actually quite good for being so short :D
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thank you.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013   Writer
Congrats on the feature.  This really fulfills the promise of short form verse:  a lifetime in a few lines.  Well done.
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thank you! I'm glad you like it.
Reply
:iconshire7:
Shire7 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats to the DD :heart: <3
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thanks.
Reply
:iconshire7:
Shire7 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem =)
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013   Writer
Major congrats on the well-deserved DD. :heart:
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013   Writer
Congratulations on the DD -- very well deserved.
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thank you! And thanks for recommending. :>
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013   Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconriparii:
riparii Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
small and faceted as a gem
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thank you! Your comment's more poetic than my poem :>
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love how concise this is. *beeinthebottle is spot on, it's how you convey the image that matters....
Reply
:iconmisslunarose:
MissLunaRose Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013   General Artist
Wow! This is a masterpiece. :clap: I admire your ability to convey something so emotional in only a few words.

I love how you don't use periods at the end of your sentences. It really emphasizes the unending nature of your story.

Congratulations on a much deserved DD! :huggle:
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thanks!

You're reading a lot more meaning into this than is there. I didn't use periods 'cause I'm lazy and I like the way it looks. 's far from a masterpiece.
Reply
:iconmisslunarose:
MissLunaRose Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013   General Artist
You're welcome. :hug:

Well, whether you were motivated by laziness or artistic expression, it's still a masterpiece. ;P
Reply
:iconaquagalaxy:
AquaGalaxy Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
congrats on the dd! >w<
Reply
:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Thank you.
Reply
:iconnatanarihelliat:
NatanarihelLiat Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My great-aunt died today in the morning, and now I see this. I am almost crying now.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconconsolecadet: More from consolecadet


Featured in Collections

Word Love by goddess-of-ravens

Words by cinnarolls

Title Poem by Nichrysalis


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
October 24, 2013
File Size
250 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,755 (1 today)
Favourites
158 (who?)
Comments
65
×