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June 18, 2012
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the teeth of choice barely rubbed at you through your clothes,
while i was scratched and scratched and scratched deciding

and the scars grew roots in my brain, thick and keloid white,
patterns i can't erase

i loved you like a murderer, like a hurricane
i loved you like a man who drowns himself loves the sea

i loved you like the two-ton anvil of responsibility i thought you'd handed to me too young

as rough your skin,
as rough
as

i worried just as much for you as for all the little sheep i left behind.
I spent a while today thinking and panicking and shat out a long letter to a past abuser, which you can read here.

And that led to this and now here we are and god I don't know

I don't know
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:iconlottie-girl:
Lottie-Girl Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Student General Artist
I like that you use an occasional rhyme it's nice :)
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
"i loved you like a murderer, like a hurricane
i loved you like a man who drowns himself loves the sea

i loved you like the two-ton anvil of responsibility i thought you'd handed to me too young"
Reply
:iconbenerror:
Benerror Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Student Writer
You're right, we really do need to talk. Because you were really helpful changing my thoughts about what happened with Adira, and I really want to be helpful in some way.

*hug* Feel better, if that's remotely possible.
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:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012
I dunno if you'll have any new insights, but I'm willing to talk to you about it. Maybe you'll be able to help.

Feeling better is remotely possible. It's never going to be like nothing happened, but I think someday I'll be able to move past it and be okay. Some day.
Reply
:iconarchelyxs:
archelyxs Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012
Gripping, in the most destructive and beautiful way.
Get this out, love. :heart:
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:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012
I've been getting it out for a long while now. Eventually I'll be done, but I don't know when.
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:iconindigo-mouse:
indigo-mouse Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i hope it screams itself out of you someday.
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:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012
I don't want it to scream itself. I want to give it as a monologue. I want to write it and tape it and find her and send it and let her hear, because there's got to be some scrap of empathy left underneath everything. I want her to know, even if it doesn't make her feel bad.
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:iconindigo-mouse:
indigo-mouse Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i've always wondered when or if that was coming. you're strong and you can do it.
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:iconconsolecadet:
consolecadet Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012
It's been coming for a very long time. I've written so many half-finished letters, you know? Someday I'm going to have to finish one.
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